I was so disappointed, why did this happen now?

I was so disappointed, why did this happen now?

I just laid there crying, feeling miserable.  I could not believe I had come all this way and now I was sick and wasn’t even going to get to participate.

This past week my husband and I joined 750+ youth from the Wichita Diocese on a pilgrimage to Washington DC for the 2018 March for Life.  It was a 24-hour bus ride which went faster than I expected but was even more uncomfortable than I thought it would be.  I was so excited to be there.

The farmer, Ron, has gone on this journey 10 times and I was so excited to be able to join him this year.  We had arrived without a hitch and were enjoying a day of visiting museums when I started feeling the drainage down the back of my throat.  As the day progressed so did my cold symptoms.

The farmer had been sick earlier in the week but I thought I had avoided catching it.  By the next morning, I was SICK and there was no way I was going to be able to join the group for the March for Life.

I was so disappointed, I had looked forward to participating in the March for months.  After the tears dried up I prayed and asked the Lord to help me rest well and feel better soon.  That is what He did for me.  I was thankful to get to feeling better the next day.

This event got me thinking about how disappointment can become a stumbling block in our lives.  Some of the biggest transitions in my life were accompanied by disappointment.  In fact, how I dealt with my disappointment directly impacted how difficult the transition was for me.

Here are a couple of tips to help you manage disappointment:

1.  Take the time to acknowledge the loss.

Many times, we find ourselves sad and sometimes depressed during a transition, but we don’t take the time to really think about what we have experienced.   During my recent season of change, I just plowed forward.  Taking care of all the things that had to be done to close my business and sell my home in order to move to the farm full-time.    After all the to-dos were done I found myself feeling a little lost and sad.

I had just focused on all the good that was coming with the change without considering the loss.  Taking the time to really look at the changes to life and the sadness I felt helped me see what I had done.

After talking with the Lord about these big changes, acknowledging my feelings and feeling those feelings of grief, I was able to celebrate the blessings of the season that had come to an end and then focus forward on the blessing that was in this new season in a new way.

2.  Check your expectations

Disappointment is experienced when people or experiences in life don’t live up to your expectations.  This trip was something I was really looking forward to and had high expectations for. If I had allowed the sadness of not being able to attend this one day on our trip I might not have taken care of myself and gotten the rest I needed to recover as quickly as I did.

As I lay in bed resting, drinking lots of water the Lord brought to my mind all the fun things that were yet to come on our trip.  Though I was very disappointed that I was not able to be a part of the March for Life, I was able to get a glimpse of a bigger picture of all the fun planned and was yet to come.  That helped me to move past my disappointment.

Thankfully I was able to join the group for a short visit to another museum the next day and most importantly I was also able to meet up with my friend as planned.  I spent a couple of days with her catching up and having fun.  I am so thankful that we had this special time together.

We will face disappointment in life.  We live in a broken world, so things are not going to go according to our plans, hopes, and desires but we can rest assured that God is with us, He loves us, and He will never forsake us.

The next time you feel disappointed to take it to the Lord and ask Him to show you the loss that is at the root of your feelings and adjust your expectations.

I would love to hear how you handle disappointment in your life.  Share below.

2 Revealing Truths about Jesus and Transitions

     Since transition is never far from my mind I was recently talking with Jesus about transitions and He helped me to think about what a major transition His birth here on earth must have been.

Think about it, Jesus was there in the beginning and created the world, then He left heaven to life as one of us and with us.

“For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.” John 6:38.

Imagine the enormity of that transition! 


Here are 2 truths, I realized about how Jesus handled this transition.

He remained Confident in His identity~ When Jesus became a man though His outward appearance probably changed completely He did not lose himself.

He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”  And Jesus answered him, “You are blessed, Simon son of Jonah, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but my Father in heaven! Matt 16:15-17

This scripture follows Jesus asking His disciples who do people say that I am?  They reported what people said about him and who He was.  Most did not see or understand who He was while He walked on this earth but He always knew and lived the truth of who He was.  God.  Man.  Lover of His creation.  Truth.  Life.  Sacrificial Lamb.

For me just going from married to divorcee, from business owner to farm wife was challenging.  Identity in the world today is often tied to our job or family so when there are big transitions in either of these areas it can really knock you off your feet.

Each time I have found myself needing to dig into my identity with the Lord to find my new normal.  I am, still Loved.  Adopted.  Cherished.  Forgiven.  Gifted.  Called.

Obedient even unto death~  Jesus submitted to the will of the Father.  Not only did He have to take on the limitations of man but He had to die a terrible death as a man.  Yes, He knew the Big picture and willingly died on the cross for your and my sins but it was not easy.

The Bible is clear is was a very difficult time leading up to the crucifixion.
Matthew 26:39  “And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.

Each transition in my life has taken me to a place of bowing my will to His in obedience.  When we closed Sylvan in 2011 it was the result of a long struggle.  I knew I would not always work and have a home 90 miles from the farm but I loved what I did.  Working with families to help their kids be more successful in school felt like it was what I was created to do.

When I stopped struggling, willing submitted to God, He made it clear, that season of my life was to come to an end.  The families seeking the service hit an all-time low, the corporation continued to move away from what I felt was best for my students, it was time.  In obedience, the business was closed and my home was sold in 6 short weeks.  Not as I will, but as You will Father.

I’m so thankful that I was able to see Jesus in light of how He lived out a difficult transition.  Though I can see that I have demonstrated these same traits in my life transitions I am also challenged to get there quicker in future transitions.

Focusing on my identity and realizing that NOTHING in this world can change who I am or whose I am, is the bedrock of weather the changes of transitions.

Then because I know whose I am I can also embrace His will open hearted and open minded.

I know the opportunity to live these two lessons out again will come, I just pray I will be more ready, willing and able to bring honor and glory to the Lord in the midst of it.

 Have you found that knowing your identity in Christ and obeying Him has helped you embrace transitions in your life?

Review by Rayna: Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos & Restore Your Sanity

Overwhelmed is one of the best books I have read.  I don’t feel that I am a person who sits in overwhelm very often but I learned a lot from Kathi and Cheri’s book.

The goal of the book is to help us learn to: expand our capacity for joy regardless of life circumstances, make intentional choices today that serve us tomorrow, trade the to do list that controls us for a calendar that creates space for our lives, decide whose feedback to forget and whose input to invite, and finally replace fear of the future with peace in the present. 

Kathi and Cheri break down the 5 reasons we reach a point of overwhelm.
  1.  Decision fatigue
  2.  Lack of understanding your true self   
  3.  Not being true to your true self 
  4.  Doing too much for too many with too little for too long. 
  5.  Unexpected emergencies. 
  6.  Disappointment and worry. 

Gaining understanding of the fact that my overwhelm is not the same as others around me helped me grow in compassion for others. Click To Tweet

Since, I am not prone to overwhelm as I had defined it the 6 kinds of overwhelm was very helpful.

The second part of the book went into realistic ideas to help overcome overwhelm.

I appreciated that they were all practical and logical suggestions.  I will share just a few highlights in this review.

Kathi does an amazing job explaining how routine helps us avoid overwhelm by preparing ourselves for what is to come.  She talks about being nice to our future selves.  I really like thinking of taking the time to do something now as being nice to me tomorrow.

We set ourselves up for overwhelming failure when we place unrealistic expectations on our future selves.  The best way to take care of our future self is by predeciding

The concept of predeciding is one that really made an impact on me and challenged my mindset.  Predeciding is done before you face an overwhelming situation.

Predeciding who you are as a person, what your core values are and how you will act save you time energy and agony.  Deciding in the moment to do the right thing is exhausting and completely overwhelming at times.  “Predeciding makes sure your future self is your very best self.”

Another impactful section was around living in crisis.  Cheri describes her life as going from crisis to crisis but she learned from Kathi that the overwhelm is not the only way to live even in crisis.

If a short-term crisis is dragging on for so long that it is starting to become your new normal then don’t wait for things to get back to normal, they might not.  Find a healthy new normal you can live with.  Stop living as if you are in a crisis.

One more area that stuck out to me was self care.  Making self care a nonnegotiable is a must.  Taking care of others seems to be expected but we were never taught to care for ourselves.

Many times, we can become overwhelmed because we are too busy caring for everyone else.  I know that this is when I most often find myself feeling overwhelmed.  I want to help and I don’t want to disappoint anyone SO self care is overlooked and overwhelm soon follows.

Finally, I really enjoyed Kathi’s perspective on her different Kathis in Chapter 13 but to be honest it is too hard to explain here, so you are just going to have to read it yourself.

I find I often tell you to run out and read the books I review and I always mean it, today I think if you ever feel overwhelmed this is a MUST READ for you.


I would love to hear what you learned, or your favorite part after reading overwhelmed.  Leave your comment below!

Find Your Purpose for the New Year

I needed this today.

I don’t know about you but all this HAVING TO LIVE EVERY MOMENT ON PURPOSE is STRESSING me out.

As I prayed about it today the Lord assured me to rest in Him and He has got this. He said to be sure to stay close to Him but He is not going to layout what’s happening in 2017.

Kinda scary but also very reassuring. With that my word of the year is going to be Grace! He has enough GRACE for me and He wants me to extend more GRACE to others.

You don't always need a plan....grit&gracelife

2 Peter 1:2

2 Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

Moving Beyond the Ending Brought Blessing

Ecclesiastes-3-1The 5-year anniversary of a big ending in my life is coming up at the end of the month. My dad and I were co-owners of a Sylvan Learning Center in Hutchinson, KS.  I loved what I did.

Sylvan Learning Center gave me a chance to use all of my gifts and talents in exactly the way that made me excited to go to work every day.

I even thought of Sylvan and my time in Hutchinson as my Promised Land (read more about that here).

But it came to an end.


2 years after Ron and I were married I was still living part-time on the farm and part-time in Hutchinson (they were 90 miles apart) in order to keep the business going.  Enrollment had been dwindling and things had been changing with the business for a while.  But at the end of the Summer in 2011 all but 14 of my students stopped their programs.  There was no way to keep the doors open.

I had been sensing change was coming for a while but as usual God had to make it impossible for me to ignore Him in order for me to give up and jump on board with the change.  It was time to move on.

I’m so thankful God’s hand was obviously in the midst of it all. 


In 6 short weeks, my house was sold, all the assets of the business were gone.  Everything else was all packed up and moved to the farm.

It was the end of being a small business owner (for a while), the end of being my very own boss, the end of a dream I didn’t even know that I had.


As I have said so many times before God is good.  Just taking the time to look to Him we will see His provision. Though my certificate was expired since I never thought would teach again, I was able to walk into a part-time teaching job in October.

I was blessed with a great environment and a bunch of kids I fell in love with.

I was able to teach while I completed my coach training and here I am today.  A small business owner again loving my job, feeling blessed and called to my work.

That’s the thing about life, there are endings, they are natural, even if we don’t feel they are.  I’m sure there are some of you, like me, that fight endings with all you got.


Dr. Henry Cloud’s book Necessary Endings * has been a great read for me.  It states that “when we fail to end things well, we are destined to repeat the mistakes that keep us from moving on.”(p12)  Not ending well will often lead us to make choices that bring us to the same places again and again.

Not learning our lessons or dealing with endings will set us up to make the same mistakes over and over again.

Learning how to do endings well and how to process the experience allows us to move beyond patterns that can keep us stuck.  Moving forward allows us to embrace what’s next.


I have Ecclesiastes 3:1 on the wall in our bedroom to remind me of how God created this world to have endings.  “To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heavens.”

We have to learn to realize that somethings are only for that time, only in that season are we meant to stay there.  When it’s time for an end, it’s time for a new season, not the end of everything just the end of that season.

So if you are facing an ending today, face it with the Lord.  He can give you a new purpose, He can help you see what is next. 


If you need help building a new dream or even learning to like this new season, coaching can help.  I would love to talk with you about coaching.       Contact Me .


How do you face endings?  I would love to hear about an ending that has you stuck or moving into new blessing!

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