This is the end; things haven’t been good for a while but it didn’t mean that I was expecting that phone call. A phone call from my husband’s girlfriend? Who sees that coming? I sure didn’t.
He had cheated before and I knew things hadn’t been good but I never dreamed he would cheat again. The Lord and I had been talking a lot about my marriage and I knew a big change was coming. I just didn’t know that this was it.
Me divorced; of all the people you know I would not be the one you expect to be divorced. I was deeply saddened but I knew now, this is the path I was to go down.
But how do I live like this? How do I hold my head high and tell people I’m divorced? Divorce is for people who gave up on there a marriage, not me. I fought, I fought for almost 10 years to make this marriage work. I forgave the first affair. How was I supposed to live divorced?
It felt like such a failure.
As time went on and I moved into a new phase of life it was difficult, it was embarrassing. But I knew I had been released from my covenant of marriage. I just didn’t know how to communicate that to others. I knew how judgmental I had been regarding divorce, I just hated for people to look at me like that.
Then I met Alice.
Alice attended the church that I was attending. We met in small group setting where she shared her testimony. I will never forget what a blessing it was to meet Alice. She was a few years older than me and she was happily married to her second husband.
Alice was an amazing, godly woman who had a testimony and ministry in our church. She loved people and she loved her husband. Because she was willing to share her story of divorce and remarriage I found hope. Hope that I would have a ministry again too.
I also had hope that there might be a happily ever after marriage in my life someday.
Today when people meet my husband and I they never guess that we’ve only been married for 6 short years. We fit together like a hand and glove or salt and pepper. We love each other dearly and you are able to be committed and live what a godly marriage looks.
Marriage today is easy, unlike in my first marriage that was always very difficult. Sometimes it is hard to say I’m thankful that the Lord took me through that, but I know that I am the person I am today because of that journey.
I cherish my husband now. I honor and respect him. I’m so thankful to have an opportunity to have a marriage like I do today.
I hope and pray that as I share my story through this blog that I will be an encouragement to you. That you will know that no matter how hard life seems, no matter how unfair things are and no matter what happens to you …even when you think it’s something that could never happen to you. You can move past it, you can, there’s hope!
Our God is sovereign, he loves us more than you know and his plans are perfect! Trust Him and walk close beside Him through this time to the life you didn’t know could exist.
If you are still searching for hope and a relationship with the Lord who loves you more than you know please reach out to me. I would love to talk with you about Him.
Debbie has been married to Leonard for 25 1/2 years. The day Debbie said I do, she became an instant step-mom to his 3 daughters, 1 was married and the other 2, Irene & Anna, were still teenagers. With much prayer, they all learned to love each other and live together pretty well through the years. Then Stephanie arrived, their daughter together. There is nothing like a house full of girls…..I asked Debbie to share with me what it was like to transition to an empty nest.
What was the most difficult part of your transition?
Our older daughter, Irene, went away to college and that was the first adjustment. I missed her like crazy but she came home pretty often and I still had the younger one, Anna, at home plus I was pregnant. I was super busy keeping up with Anna’s activities and busy with morning sickness!
When it came time for Anna to leave home and get married, we were so happy for her, but also missed her like crazy too! When each daughter left, it felt like part of my heart left with them!
The Lord just kept me going and I remember praying and drawing close to Him through it all.
Then I really got busy with my one year old daughter and all of her activities. Plus I started meeting new friends in the neighborhood who had little girls and got busy with play dates and that sort of thing.
So then fast forward 18 years later when our youngest and last daughter, Stephanie, was ready to leave the nest. I had always had a very close relationship with all of our girls. We did a lot of things together and just enjoyed time hanging out.
Stephanie decided that she wanted to become teacher and go to Emporia State college which is about an hour and a half away. We had prayed and prayed and that is where she felt led to go. So I really had to lean on Jesus at this point!
Let me back up a bit and tell you that at this time also, my husband was traveling for work through most of Stephanie’s Senior year. Since he had been gone, it had just been Stephanie and I doing most everything together and now I was having a very hard time thinking that she was going to be gone all of a sudden!
Even though my husband was back home at this point, we had to take our daughter up to a town I wasn’t very familiar with and drop her off at a college I didn’t know much about! She seemed excited to go and I was really trying to be brave and support her in every way possible.
When it came time to leave her there and come home without her, I was devastated! I remember holding it together as we drove away, until she couldn’t see me anymore and I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.
Leaving her there and coming home without her was the most difficult part of this transition for me!
What do you think was most helpful for you to move into the hope and peace you were needing?
I can remember pouring my heart out to the Lord and asking Him to help me through this very difficult time in my life! Before, when the other daughters left, there was always another daughter still here at home, but not this time. I have to admit that I felt a little lost.
For years, my job, which I loved, was to help and take care of my girls. Now all of a sudden, I wasn’t needed as much anymore and I was needed in a different way. I felt like I was suppose to only help and give advice when I was asked or from a distance. Wow what a change for me!
I sincerely prayed with my whole heart for the Lord to help me and lead me down the right path that He would have me to go and show me what He wanted me to do.
Was there a special verse the Lord used to encourage you during this time?
I had a few scriptures that really helped me through this time.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
And the last ones are about putting on the whole armor of God in Ephesians 6:10-17.
How did your faith grow from this transition time in your life?
My husband knew I was hurting inside even though I put on a brave face and kept plugging along. So he did something very helpful for me. He asked me to go along with him while he worked out of town. He said he thought a change of scenery would do me good. So I went with him and that was one of the best things I could have done.
Also getting my mind off of myself and onto the Lord was key for me. It isn’t easy sometimes, but it is so worth it.
What would you like someone the middle of a similar transition to know?
Even though this transition in my life was really hard to go through, I can look back and see that God was leading me and taking care of me the whole time. He taught me that no matter what happens to us, He will always be there to pick us up. He will never leave us or forget about us.
He wants the best for us and for us to rely on Him no matter what our circumstances or how many transitions we go through. So I will leave you with one final scripture that summed up my difficult transition and maybe yours…Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.
Nourished is a great read, better than that it is a great tool to help you examine your life. Dr. Daniel Amen, MD called Nourished a “delightful, practical brain tonic for women dealing with every day stresses.” I found Nourished to be a fun read but also tool to help me examine my life and see if I am taking the time to nourish myself while living this crazy busy thing we call life.
The authors, Becky Johnson and Rachel Randolph, share that they wrote the book from moments of their own complete overwhelm in which they realized that if they did not start practicing nourishing routines, they would sink. They also knew they were not alone.
Becky and Rachel state on page 12 “we will share not only successes but our failures, because as women who love to laugh, we find it is usually the miserable flops that make the most hilarious stories. In addition, failures have a way of teaching their own searing brand of lessons we never forget.”
Becky and Rachel did an informal survey of the “daily stuff” that stressed out their friends. Here are the Top Ten Stressors of Women composed from all that data.
If you were to rank your satisfaction with each of these 10 areas of your life what would it look like. 1 being I am extremely Unhappy with this area, 10 meaning Perfection, there is nothing I would change in this area of my life.
How happy are you with your scores? Are there areas would like to see higher? Becky and Rachel share how they addressed these areas in their lives in this easy to read witty, warm, encouraging and wise book.
I hope you will join me in sitting alongside Becky and Rachel and taking this journey in the Search for Health, Happiness, and a Full’s Nights Sleep by signing up to be a part of Take Heart Coaching’s Book Chat & Facebook Community. We will read just 3 chapters per week, share in our Private Facebook Community Page and engage in 2 Live Facebook Chats and 1 Conference call. All for Free.
Divorce, this can’t be your will?
I married while still in college and sadly enough my husband struggled with a sexual addiction and just did not find the desire to be healed and live a life of committed marriage. So the marriage ended after 10 years and multiple affairs.
The end would bring a new beginning right? I did not want to be single now what?
I had not dated much before meeting my ex-husband and here I was in my early 30’s and having to start all over again. After praying and praying and even trying to bargain some I still had not met a guy. Not a single date.
I want to have someone to share life with, Lord, Please!
I kept feeling the Lord telling me I needed to get outside my comfort zone and put myself out there. So I joined a dating service.
12 first dates and then there was Ron
Each month the dating service would call me with a new name and a little information about a person. We usually talked on the phone and then would meet for dinner. I talked with 14 guys went out one time with 12 of them and I was feeling frustrated and discouraged.
The Lord and I had many conversations about this process.
I knew I was doing my part but I was still alone. Then I was matched with Ron.
Ron, the farmer
Our first date was amazing. We hit it off so well we stayed up all night talking in the parking lot of the restaurant. By the end of the date I concluded I am really interested in getting to know this man better.
But we have 3 major challenges: he is Catholic and I am Baptist, he had 4 kids (I would need to win over) and he farmed 90 miles away from where my Sylvan was located.
5 years later
We still had the same challenges but we had fallen deeply in love and felt confident God had brought us together. We would not change how we express our faith, we both worshiped the same Lord and Savior we just expressed it differently so we support each other in those expressions. I have won over the kids on most days. They know I love their dad and see our relationship as a good thing for him.
Now what to do about work? We felt so blessed to have each other but it was still complicated. So we took the plunge. We became man and wife……
Married and Living Apart
I kept my place and called it the Winter House. We worked on making his house our home and called it the Summer House. I wanted the individual homes to transition into ours, not his and mine, so we used these fun nick names.
I worked 4 days a week and stayed at the Winter House and then went home to the Summer House 3 days a week. We had Tuesday nights as our date night each week.
It worked. At least for a while.
We continued to seek what the Lord had for us and frankly I was excited to see how the Lord was going to solve this challenge. Little did I know that solving this situation would lead to one of the biggest transitions in my life? I will share that in another post.
I am so thankful the Lord gave me my farmer. Being his wife has blessed me beyond my imagination!
Do you see your spouse as the answer to prayer you prayed to our Lord for?
Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny.