Review by Rayna: Why her?

Why Her?  :6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind

Comparison seems to be a natural state for us.  We often find ourselves comparing ourselves to others without even realizing that is what we are doing.  Questions like, “Why Her, Lord?” “Must be nice!” “Why Never ME!” as well as more settle questions are “What so wrong with us?  Questioning our worth, evening doubting God”  are at the root questions of comparison.

Nicki Kuziri, the author, states, “we love to shout our success but seldom share own secret sorrows.  But the more honest we can become about the areas that threaten our souls the most the sooner we will feel empowered enough to escape the comparison chase.”

Nicki shares 6 truths we need to hear when measuring up leaves us falling behind using the stories of her own life and that of Leah and Rachel in the Genesis to illustrate.  The 6 truths are:  1) You Need to be Honest 2) See It Like It Really Is 3) You Don’t Have to be Okay 4) You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong 5) Her Gain is Not Your Loss 6) Let the Success of Others Encourage, Not Discourage You.

Throughout this book, Nicki explores how comparison affects our lives but most importantly our relationship with the Lord.  She states “this isn’t just a me struggle, it is a God struggle.”  Further explaining a God struggle as a struggle that goes against the grain of who He created you to be.

Nicki’s goal is for the reader to move toward becoming transparent about what causes us to compare ourselves with others for it will keep us from needing to compare ourselves to others at all.  Oh that we all might get to this place.

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

I was so disappointed, why did this happen now?

I was so disappointed, why did this happen now?

I just laid there crying, feeling miserable.  I could not believe I had come all this way and now I was sick and wasn’t even going to get to participate.

This past week my husband and I joined 750+ youth from the Wichita Diocese on a pilgrimage to Washington DC for the 2018 March for Life.  It was a 24-hour bus ride which went faster than I expected but was even more uncomfortable than I thought it would be.  I was so excited to be there.

The farmer, Ron, has gone on this journey 10 times and I was so excited to be able to join him this year.  We had arrived without a hitch and were enjoying a day of visiting museums when I started feeling the drainage down the back of my throat.  As the day progressed so did my cold symptoms.

The farmer had been sick earlier in the week but I thought I had avoided catching it.  By the next morning, I was SICK and there was no way I was going to be able to join the group for the March for Life.

I was so disappointed, I had looked forward to participating in the March for months.  After the tears dried up I prayed and asked the Lord to help me rest well and feel better soon.  That is what He did for me.  I was thankful to get to feeling better the next day.

This event got me thinking about how disappointment can become a stumbling block in our lives.  Some of the biggest transitions in my life were accompanied by disappointment.  In fact, how I dealt with my disappointment directly impacted how difficult the transition was for me.

Here are a couple of tips to help you manage disappointment:

1.  Take the time to acknowledge the loss.

Many times, we find ourselves sad and sometimes depressed during a transition, but we don’t take the time to really think about what we have experienced.   During my recent season of change, I just plowed forward.  Taking care of all the things that had to be done to close my business and sell my home in order to move to the farm full-time.    After all the to-dos were done I found myself feeling a little lost and sad.

I had just focused on all the good that was coming with the change without considering the loss.  Taking the time to really look at the changes to life and the sadness I felt helped me see what I had done.

After talking with the Lord about these big changes, acknowledging my feelings and feeling those feelings of grief, I was able to celebrate the blessings of the season that had come to an end and then focus forward on the blessing that was in this new season in a new way.

2.  Check your expectations

Disappointment is experienced when people or experiences in life don’t live up to your expectations.  This trip was something I was really looking forward to and had high expectations for. If I had allowed the sadness of not being able to attend this one day on our trip I might not have taken care of myself and gotten the rest I needed to recover as quickly as I did.

As I lay in bed resting, drinking lots of water the Lord brought to my mind all the fun things that were yet to come on our trip.  Though I was very disappointed that I was not able to be a part of the March for Life, I was able to get a glimpse of a bigger picture of all the fun planned and was yet to come.  That helped me to move past my disappointment.

Thankfully I was able to join the group for a short visit to another museum the next day and most importantly I was also able to meet up with my friend as planned.  I spent a couple of days with her catching up and having fun.  I am so thankful that we had this special time together.

We will face disappointment in life.  We live in a broken world, so things are not going to go according to our plans, hopes, and desires but we can rest assured that God is with us, He loves us, and He will never forsake us.

The next time you feel disappointed to take it to the Lord and ask Him to show you the loss that is at the root of your feelings and adjust your expectations.


I would love to hear how you handle disappointment in your life.  Share below.

What interesting thing are you going to do with your lemons?

You have heard it said, that when life gives you lemons just make lemonade. maya angelou quote graphic

I found this quote by Maya Angelou and I like it even better, after all I love lemon pie.

Back on topic….

It seems that some people find it easier to make something of the lemons of life than others do.

Lemon meringue pie, lemon bars, lemon shortbread cookies or lemonade, it isn’t important what you make.  It is important that you learn to make the best of the lemons life hands you.  The best way to do this is to Change Your Thinking!

I can see your eye roll now.  I know it sounds too simple.  But think about it…..

We have all experienced something difficult in life at the same time someone we know or love has been right there experiencing it too.  Did you both respond the same way?

You had the same parents and upbringing as your sibling/s, do you remember it the same way?

You and your coworker lost your job the same day the business laid you all off and closed its doors.  Did you rebound the same?

Why is the same event experienced differently? 

When life hands us a lemon the questions we ask ourselves will determine what happens next.  Marilee Adams, PHD says that the questions we ask ourselves determines our actions and finally our results.

 

I’m not saying just think positive and everything will be fine.  I have lived life too long to believe it is that simple but I do think how we think is an important part of learning to live with peace and hope no matter what life brings.

 

So what interesting things are you going to make with you lemons?  Do you need some help learning to think differently about life’s lemons?

Don’t miss my upcoming opportunity to learn more about how your thinking impacts your relationships and success at work.

I would love to have you join me as we explore Marliee Adams, PHD concept of Question Thinking during the month of August.  I will be highlighting Question Thinking and then offering a workshop opportunity on how to make this powerful shift in your thinking.

Think Question Change Coming Soon

Be sure to like and mark Take Heart Transitions as see first on Facebook .

 Like Take Heart HERE

 

How to Navigate Life with a Personal Manifesto

      During life transitions just making simple decisions can cause you to become completely overwhelmed.  We often try to function on autopilot, unfortunately instead we just get pulled in whatever direction the crisis is that is right in front of us wants us to go.

Wandering aimlessly then causes more frustration because the things that are most important to us get neglected.  The overwhelm gets worse and worse.

Writing your personal manifesto can make all the difference in seasons of transition.  There are lots of different ideas about what a personal manifesto is and how to create your own.

In general, it is a written statement which includes your core values.  The great thing about this statements is it might not be true today but you desire for them to be true of you in the end.

A personal manifest functions as “your own personal code of conduct that is not decided in the moment but predetermined before you are in crisis.” states Kathi Lipp in Overwhelmed.

To write your personal manifesto you will want to take some time to think about what is most important to you.

 

When you think of your most treasured values you think of things you want to always be true.  Identify 5 to 8 core values and turn them into statements that will provide guidance to how you will live them out.

Everyone says they love God first then family and then their job.  But do most of us don’t live that way?  Writing manifesto statements help you to think through what it looks like when you do live out your values.

I also found it helpful to put myself in the future and think about what I want people to be saying about me when I am no longer here.  I want to be true to who God made me to be and the mission He has put on my heart to live out.

 Here is my Manifesto:

(Note: I decided to put my manifesto on this picture of me because I love this picture.  It reminds me that these words are about the REAL me.  I have printed it and hung it on the wall of my office so that I will not lose sight of these important values.)

Some of these statements I am living out pretty well today but might become more of a challenge tomorrow.  I think that developing your personal manifesto will also help you live out your life with intention.

 

When you face decisions, whether they be, can you add this commitment to your calendar? or are you going to do business with a specific person?   Your personal manifesto can help you make that decision quicker and easier than before.  It is almost like making decisions before they are even presented.

 

Can I help teach Sunday School at church?  Well, it is helping others to learn of my Daddy the king, and it is offering encouragement to others BUT will it interfere with being the best wife to my farmer or daughter to my daddy?  At this stage in my lifetime is very valuable.  I already have a lot on my plate so though it is a good activity I must say no for now.

 

Using my personal manifesto to govern my calendar and life will be a tool I look forward to using for many years to come.  It represents the me I want to be every day.

 

I hope you see the value of developing your personal manifesto. 

 

 

I would be happy to talk with you more about how to identify your core values and develop statements that best incorporate those things which you are most important to you.  As a coach this is one of the first steps to helping a person move forward toward the life they want and a lot of fun!

 

 

I would love to see your Personal Manifesto!  Please share them with me at TakeHeartTransitions Facebook page.

 

Have You Accepted the Free Gift?

I love gifts, how about you?

If you have studied love languages at all then you might know if your love language is gifts or not.

Mine isn’t but I still love to get them.  No matter if gifts fill your love tank or not the Gift of Jesus will!

It is so amazing to me that God choose to send the gift of His Son to earth to save us.  It seems so easy yet it is so hard for many to accept….  Have you accepted God’s Gift?

What is it about accepting gifts that makes it hard?

 

I find it easy to accept a gift from someone I love and who loves me.  It can get a little awkward when I don’t know the person well.  Could that be part of the hang up?

Do you know God? Have you studied Him and understand how much He loves you?

If you have and would like to learn more I would love to talk with you.  Just contact me at Rayna@TakeHeartCoaching.com

 

CALL ME
+
Call me!

Pin It on Pinterest