Review by Rayna: Find the Good

by | Growing in Faith, Review by Rayna

Finding the Good:

Unexpected Life Lessons from a Small-Town Obituary Writer

 

Find the Good was written by Heather Lende a long time obituary writer.  I really enjoyed this unusual book.

Re-framing situations and events is a skill taught in coaching.  Re-frame means to look at something in a new perspective.  I was impressed with Heather’s ability to re-frame the tragedies that brought her into these people’s lives at that moment.  Her 30,000 foot view of the person’s life brings such comfort and wisdom.

Find the Good is filled with wonderful stories and golden nuggets of truth.   Heather was asked to write a short essay describing one piece of wisdom to live by.  After spending time thinking about what would important to share she boiled it down to Find the Good.  From this simple concept Heather wrote this book.

After years of interviewing families during one of the most difficult days of their life she developed the knack for finding the good.  Though the end of someone’s life might be tragic for any one of many reasons, she has found the power of discovering how to find the good in their life and share it in a wonderful way.

Some of the chapters included in this book are Stop and Smell the Fish, Draw Lines in the Sand So You Can Move Them, and Listen to Your Mother.  Each chapter has a story of an obituary and ends with the conclusion that brings it down to the title she gave the chapter.

I can’t say I have ever read many obituaries in my life.  And I know I have never read ones written with so much care and desire to honor.  Heather’s unique view of life and death brings great perspective. I hope you enjoy this fun read as much as I did.

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Review by Rayna: Doing Busy Better

by | Review by Rayna

 

Doing Busy Better has great content.

Though it would not make my top 10 list, I would recommend it because it does hit on some things which I think most of us need to hear.  The Lord definitely challenged me in areas as I read about this Better Busy.

Glyniss Whitwer is a self-proclaimed Type A Christian.  Even typing those words make me realize that most people don’t think that goes together very well.  Glyniss, like me, has felt bad for Martha, when she reprimanded for doing all the things that had to be done when Jesus visited. (my words)

In this book she discusses how busy is a part of who she is and most importantly who God made her to be.  But she doesn’t use it as an excuse for living in a way that causes neglect of the most important things in life. (as Martha did that day)

 

Glyniss states “God never meant for me to live non-stop.  God made work and rest in perfect symmetry.  We were created and commanded to work AND rest.”  Figuring out what that symmetry is the challenge and what she addresses in this book.

One area she addresses as a cause of harmful busyness is a wrong identity. 

When our identity is not found in Jesus we are often just one mistake away from going into overdrive to compensate.  Therefore that roller coaster of identity took her on a wild ride for years.

When pursuing your identity in the things you accomplish sets you up to HAVE to keep doing.  Even when you accomplish something great it is only a short a while before you have to get after the next project.

In contrast when you assign the source of your value and worth to God you will be freed from the fear of failure and opinions of others.  “The only thing that matters is what our heavenly father thinks about us and that is unchanging.”

Glyniss explores other reasons people stay busy for the wrong reasons and then moves on to what the right kind of busy is.  She explores physical rest and how some of our thoughts about being busy can affect our ability to rest.

From there she explores how physical rest leads us to Spiritual rest.

Glyniss states that Spiritual rest “happens when we stop striving.”  Stopping the striving allows us to find a deep sense of confidence.  Confidence that no matter what comes our way God is on the throne and He will not forget us.

Doing Busy Better goes on to: Explore ways to rest and the enemies of it. Presents how hurry is a heart conditions.  Lay out 5 questions to ask yourself to determine your core responsibilities, that helps us know what to stop to put an end to doing too much.  Also a challenge to implement a sabbath day and some of our mindsets that get in the way of this commanded practice.

Last I will leave you with one of my favorite quote,

“The abundant life Jesus offers is not abundant with work but with love.”

I would love to hear your thoughts on this book.  Be sure to leave your comments on my blog.

 

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Review by Rayna: Scary Close

by | Review by Rayna

Scary Close:  Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy is an interesting read and a deviation from what I usually share here.

I have been familiar with Donald Miller because of his business acumen not as a person.  After reading this book I would say I know him pretty well.  He challenges everything you know about being honest and authentic.  To be honest at times a little uncomfortable honest for me.

This book is Don sharing about his journey to that altar and how he rose to the challenge of truly revealing himself to his beloved.  Realizing he has been very good at performing and keeping people at a distance he shares his journey to making that change.  Willingness to get Scary Close was required.

He starts the book with an author’s note that says, “We will never feel loved until we drop the act, until we are willing to show our true selves to the people around us.” Author Unknown.  This is a great opener to what Don will share throughout this book.

This is not a how to book.  There are no steps to follow rather a book to walk beside Don as he shares his journey to learning to perform less, be himself more and overcome a complicated fear of being known.

I’m not sure about you but those 3 things peaked my curiosity for sure.  Don’s stories both entertains and challenges us to look at ourselves and see what choices we are making in life. Are we living true to ourselves and developing relationships with others who know who we really are or are we playing it safe and just showing those around us the person we know they will like?

Don closes with a few bold statements about love and what he has learned about it.

“We are never going to be perfect in love but we can get close.  The closer we get, the healthier we will be.” And “Love is not a game any of us can win it’s just a story we can live and enjoy.”

If you would like to enjoy a challenging yet easy read I would encourage you to get to know Donald Miller better and learn how to get Scary Close!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this book.  Please share below.

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Do You See Your Spouse as Grace from God?

by | Growing in Faith, Marriage

As Valentine’s Day arrived this year I received a very sweet card from my farmer.  He is usually the funny card kind guy so the card he chose for me this year really touched me.

I am so thankful for him in my life.  Moving beyond divorce and the disappointment, shame and hurt was not an overnight journey for me but it was so worth it.  If you find yourself in a place that you never expected, divorced, take heart there is hope.

God can restore what was or provide you with something new.  Seek Him, repent of your sin/your part in the end of the marriage, embrace grace, forgiveness and healing.  You can find the life you always thought you would have.

This weekend my farmer and I attended a marriage conference together.  It was such a great reminder to fix my eyes on all the things I have to be thankful for in my marriage.  Looking for the good in my husband will help me to see more of it.

Mingling of Souls is an annual marriage conference by Matt & Lauren Chandler.  During the conference, Matt reminded us that as Christians we are not yet what we will one day be.  We are a work in progress.

Strange how we want our spouse to be a finished product but we see in ourselves we aren’t there yet.  We often compare our very best moments or features with our spouse’s worst.  Keeping our eyes focused on the truth of our journey can help us show more grace to our spouse and find more growth in ourselves.

Matt also said when he was young and questioning his relationship with Lauren, a mentor once told him you will fight with someone the rest of your life; do you want it to be Lauren or not?  It is funny to think of our spouse being the person we will fight with our whole life but it is true.

We are both a work in progress so there will be conflict.  Too often we see conflicts as something that reveals our spouse’s weakness.
Instead we must see our struggles and conflict as a gift of Grace from God. Matt Chandler #TakeHeart Click To TweetInstead we must see our struggles and conflict as a gift of Grace from God.

How can that be a gift?  Each struggle or conflict reveals what is going on inside of us.  God is revealing to us something about ourselves so we can grow.

When he is late, do I give him the benefit of the doubt or do I become impatient and selfish?  When he leaves his clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, am I playing a martyr or being prideful?

Examining my heart will help me grow and progress in sanctification.  Being angry and holding him to an unfair standard will just make us both miserable and break down our relationship.

The process of becoming more like our Lord is not an easy one but it is one which we are called to engage in.  Our spouse is just one of the many things the Lord uses to help us grow.

In what way, will seeing your spouse as a gift of Grace from God change your relationship?

 

 

Review by Rayna: Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos & Restore Your Sanity

by | Growing in Faith, Review by Rayna

Overwhelmed is one of the best books I have read.  I don’t feel that I am a person who sits in overwhelm very often but I learned a lot from Kathi and Cheri’s book.

The goal of the book is to help us learn to: expand our capacity for joy regardless of life circumstances, make intentional choices today that serve us tomorrow, trade the to do list that controls us for a calendar that creates space for our lives, decide whose feedback to forget and whose input to invite, and finally replace fear of the future with peace in the present. 

Kathi and Cheri break down the 5 reasons we reach a point of overwhelm.
  1.  Decision fatigue
  2.  Lack of understanding your true self   
  3.  Not being true to your true self 
  4.  Doing too much for too many with too little for too long. 
  5.  Unexpected emergencies. 
  6.  Disappointment and worry. 

Gaining understanding of the fact that my overwhelm is not the same as others around me helped me grow in compassion for others. Click To Tweet

Since, I am not prone to overwhelm as I had defined it the 6 kinds of overwhelm was very helpful.

The second part of the book went into realistic ideas to help overcome overwhelm.

I appreciated that they were all practical and logical suggestions.  I will share just a few highlights in this review.

Kathi does an amazing job explaining how routine helps us avoid overwhelm by preparing ourselves for what is to come.  She talks about being nice to our future selves.  I really like thinking of taking the time to do something now as being nice to me tomorrow.

We set ourselves up for overwhelming failure when we place unrealistic expectations on our future selves.  The best way to take care of our future self is by predeciding. 

The concept of predeciding is one that really made an impact on me and challenged my mindset.  Predeciding is done before you face an overwhelming situation.

Predeciding who you are as a person, what your core values are and how you will act save you time energy and agony.  Deciding in the moment to do the right thing is exhausting and completely overwhelming at times.  “Predeciding makes sure your future self is your very best self.”

Another impactful section was around living in crisis.  Cheri describes her life as going from crisis to crisis but she learned from Kathi that the overwhelm is not the only way to live even in crisis.

If a short-term crisis is dragging on for so long that it is starting to become your new normal then don’t wait for things to get back to normal, they might not.  Find a healthy new normal you can live with.  Stop living as if you are in a crisis.

One more area that stuck out to me was self care.  Making self care a nonnegotiable is a must.  Taking care of others seems to be expected but we were never taught to care for ourselves.

Many times, we can become overwhelmed because we are too busy caring for everyone else.  I know that this is when I most often find myself feeling overwhelmed.  I want to help and I don’t want to disappoint anyone SO self care is overlooked and overwhelm soon follows.

Finally, I really enjoyed Kathi’s perspective on her different Kathis in Chapter 13 but to be honest it is too hard to explain here, so you are just going to have to read it yourself.

I find I often tell you to run out and read the books I review and I always mean it, today I think if you ever feel overwhelmed this is a MUST READ for you.

 

I would love to hear what you learned, or your favorite part after reading overwhelmed.  Leave your comment below!

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