Many times when we are busy living life things are going by our windshield so quickly we can’t see anything much less God’s hand in it all. I have found that taking time to look at life from the rear-view mirror can make all the difference in the world.
By seeing things from this perspective we can grow in our faith and learn more about God’s character than any other time in our lives. There are many times when things have been clearer to me through the rear-view mirror.
This post will focus on the transition of life when I had to let my mom go.
When I was 16, my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Mom lived 12 years at home with her loving husband and my amazing dad. Dad always encouraged me to live my life even though they were stuck in this terrible season of their life. So I graduated from college, married and even moved out of state for a while.
By the time it was time to let go of mom my (now ex) husband and I had moved back to my hometown and even lived with my parents for a while. My husband was suffering from PTSD and was not doing well.
He had spent 9 months not being able to work. In fact he had not left our apartment for the last 3 months.
Needless to say experiencing God’s love and grace was not easy day in and day out. Then one day mid-August I came home from work and he had gotten up that day and had gone and found a job.
I was so thankful and really believed that things were on their way to getting better. About 6 weeks later things changed but it was not for the better. It was the beginning of the end of my mom’s life.
My mom passed after having a psychotic break. She seemed to have gotten stuck in a hallucination. She lived in a state of a repeated cycle for 6 weeks.
As I experienced this time in my life from the windshield I saw pain, suffering, and an amazing desire to fight to not let her go.
Letting go of those we love is a difficult thing to do. My mom’s inability to experience peace during this time made letting go as easy I can imagine it ever could be. I spent many hours praying for both my mom and my dad, not to mention for myself.
The view from the rear-view mirror allows me to see God’s hand of provision in everyday during that period.
He knew that I would not be able to juggle both the responsibility of my husband’s health and the end of my sweet mom’s life.
I always had faith that He was there but looking back it has strengthened my faith in His provision.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:23 (New Living Translation)
I cannot imagine the pain of watching your mother have weeks dealing with hallucinations. My mother had both hallucinations and delusions as she was dying earlier this year, but nothing to that extent. But you are right, when they are suffering so, it does bring a sense of relief, although we miss them so much. Such mixed emotions. Much of my blog will be delving into what I experienced helping care for her while she was sick. I guess you could say I’m looking through the rear view mirror a lot right now, gleaning the lessons God taught me during that time and sharing them with anyone wanting to listen.
Congratulations on your new blog!
Thanks for sharing your experience with me Beth!
Loving and caring for a parent is such an important and difficult job. I am not caring for my dad who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 8 years ago. I am thankful to have time with him now when we are able to laugh and joke. I am almost certain he does not know me as his daughter anymore but I know he knows I love him and enjoy spending time with him.
No matter what life brings I know that God is good and He loves me more than I can wrap my mind around.
I look forward to hearing more about your story!
Rayna, first of all, I just wanted to say that I love your name. And I love your first blog post, too. You have delved right into a very difficult topic with grace and poise.
I am sorry to hear about your Mom. I can relate. I lost my Mom 14 years ago, to cancer, and in the last week, she became delusional. It was so, so hard to watch. I can’t imagine seeing that for 12 years, especially when you were so young. But it is so good that you can see the good in it, with the timing of God in how things happened. Take care, and thanks so much for being so honest. You have helped me think about my own loss in a new way.
Thanks for leaving a comment!
I love my name too. My parents made it up when I was a girl and they only had a boy name picked out. lol Your words of kindness are really appreciated. It is an interesting feeling putting my truth out there but of course God is faithful and I pray that those who need to read it will find their way to it.