Have you ever forgotten how much God loves you?
I recently struggled with this idea without even realizing it. I was avoiding sitting quiet with the Lord, I started focusing more on my checklist of things to do during my devotions than on my relationship with the Lord.
I know that I need to spend quiet time listening for the Lord’s voice to continue growing in my relationship with him but there are times that I find myself avoiding just what I know I need. Do you ever do that?
As a 16 year old I learned my mom was suffering from the horrible terminal illness called Alzheimer’s. At her young age we were told to expect the disease to run its course in 5 to 7 years. Mom lived 12 years but as many of you know Alzheimer’s steals a person’s memory and often their personality long before it takes their life.
I would say I was 19 when my mom stopped knowing my name and recognizing me as her daughter. Believe it or not so I did not grieve this loss much, I knew it was coming. There was so many other losses I think I just over looked much of it.
As a 36 year old my dad was diagnosed with the same horrific disease. Losing a parent is a very difficult life experience but watching them disappear in front of your face seems so unfair.
There has been much grief in the 10-year decline of my dad’s health. We are/were very close and it just seems impossible that I would lose him much less watch him fade away.
Needless to say processing the loss of different parts of my relationship with my dad has had to become common place. I think that is why is surprised me so much to realize how angry I was at God for letting this happen again.
But as God and I talked about my anger I found the root was even deeper than that, it was the fear that God would forget me.
Seeing that on paper seems silly but it wasn’t at all.
The people on this earth who made me and loved me first and probably more than anyone else couldn’t tell you my name. That hurt to my core.
If they could forget then God could too, right?
As I sat with the Lord crying and listening He reminded me of a couple of truths I was overlooking.
Though both my mom and dad reached a point in their lives that they did not know my name nor realize I was their daughter they both knew me in a way that brought them happiness and peace when I was/am around them.
My Mom was always happy to receive a hug from me, have me just sit by her side and listen to her music with her almost to the end of her life. This was not true of strangers, they made her nervous. She somehow knew me and loved having me with her.
God also reminded me of how my dad smiles really big or is playful and tries to hide each Thursday when I return to KC to take care of him for another weekend. It brings him joy when he sees me. Though he doesn’t have the words I can see the love when I look for it.
God promised us in Isaiah He would never forget His people. He brought this verse to my mind. Isaiah 49:15 “Can a women forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you! ESV
Maybe it wasn’t such a silly fear after all. God wrote these words to His people long ago. Maybe you haven’t experienced your parents forgetting who you are but you are feeling forgotten by God because of unanswered prayer or just life experiences.
Take comfort. He knows You. He Loves you. Turn to Him. Tell Him how you feel. Let Him whisper His loving words over you and show you what you are missing.
If you are struggling with seeing the Hope in the Middle of Your Stinky Life I would love to talk with you about how coaching with me might be just what you need. Contact Me