Father’s Day is here and it is the first without my Dad.
Dad has been gone almost a year that is hard to believe. It is mind-boggling in fact to think a year ago we were still working towards getting him home from the rehab center and he was doing ok.
As I think of a year without Dad, I couldn’t help but think of some of what he has missed. Here are a few of the things I have experienced without him:
- I listened to caring people in my life and stepped away from responsibilities to allow myself the space I needed for my shattered heart to start healing.
- I learned I was more tired than I realized I was.
- I learned that grief is overwhelming, difficult, unpredictable and unrelenting at times.
- I said good-bye to my childhood home.
- I found resting in Jesus’ arms, hugs of those that love me, and solitude doesn’t stop the grief but it does make it bearable.
- I experienced all the holidays as an orphan and plan to learn to celebrate them again someday.
- I shared the pain of Dad’s passing with others who are caring for loved ones to offer hope and encouragement.
- I am facilitating support groups for others who are family caregivers.
- I have spent many hours playing, laughing and loving Owen and Novalee and I have fallen in love in another beautiful grandboy, Lawson!
- I found a new church family where I am worshipping, walking and working for Jesus.
- I have been blessed to work with amazing clients who are seeing themselves more clearly, growing in faith, and taking bold steps toward creating the life they want.
- I have enjoyed being home on the farm full-time again and Farmer isn’t even tired of me yet :).
Life brings change. Change brings room for new growth.
I didn’t expect to say goodbye to my Dad when I did and I didn’t expect the adjustment to life without him here to be as difficult as it was but as always the love of Jesus, my family and friends has been just what I needed to choose growth in this season.
I am so thankful for all the time I was able to spend with my dad and I know that he would be proud of me and the woman I am becoming through a season like this.