3 Ways an Observer Hat Helps Me Love Better

The Think. Question. Change. Workshop just finished up.  One of the key concepts we discussed was Marilee Adam’s Question Thinking.  During a two-week time period, we exercised getting into an observer mindset to interact with our world.

As an observer, you are detached from your own thoughts and feelings.  Being able to move into an observer mindset opens up the possibility of making choices rather than reacting to the world around us.Love one another John 13:34-5

Wearing my observer hat got me thinking about how I can best live out the command to love one another. 

Give the benefit of the doubt.

When I am wearing my observer hat, I don’t judge others. I can give them the benefit of the doubt.  My nature is to judge whether I have any knowledge about the person or situation.

For example, when I see someone who is not dressed appropriately I can judge them or begin to ask questions that might lead me to love.  I have been volunteering with an organization called Dress for Success for a few years now.

The mission of Dress for Success is to empower women to achieve economic independence by providing a network of support, professional attire and the development tools to help women thrive in work and in life.  Through working with these women, I have found that there is so much more going on in their lives than I can even imagine.  Offering them support by helping them with their resume or interview skills is really an act of love which will do more for them than judgement ever would.

Now my goal is to extend others that love without having to understand their situation.

Do not withhold forgiveness.

When I have my observer hat on I can’t jump to the conclusion that someone is hurting me on purpose versus just acting in ignorance.

I don’t think I have thin skin but I can get my feelings hurt, like you can I’m sure.  When we are observing someone’s behavior and looking to respond in love then we will extend grace. Giving grace beyond the place we would have if we weren’t being intentional.

Forgiveness is not fun to ask for so don’t make someone ask.  I have found that if I can offer love and forgiveness immediately I just need to do it.

If the offense needs discussion then opening the conversation with questions about what was going on when the offense took place is helpful.  Just learning the back story can often give me the understanding I need to overlook it.

Keep my word.

The other side of the coin of offering forgiveness is behaving in a way that doesn’t require others to need to forgive you.  In this busy world, we can often overlook our commitments to others.

Jesus said let your yes be yes.  Loving others includes respecting them enough to do what you say you will do.  Take the time to consider your words and actions before speaking.  Once your word is given the decision has been made- in love follow through.

I have found being a person, someone can count on is one of the most loving things I can do for others.


What areas of your life do you see that wearing an observer hat and being intentional in your actions can be loving to those around you?

 

My Questions Helped Me Lose Weight

I need to get some of this weight off, how about you?

Gaining weight as we get older is something I think most people struggle with.  I had been letting a little creep on year after year and it had gotten rather ridiculous.  I knew I needed to pay more attention and do something about it for a couple of years now.

Some of you may know that my dad is suffering from late stages Alzheimer’s and he requested that he stay in his home as long as possible so close to 4 years ago my sister and I were faced with a new season where he could not be alone at home at all.  We had to do something.

In order to honor his request and to provide the best care for him my husband and I made the decision that I would spend half of my week with him 220 miles from our home.  This was not a small commitment but it was one that I felt had to be made.

That being said, when I thought about my weight and trying to find a way to release some of it .  Here are 2 different conversation I had with myself:

2 Years Ago~

Do I need to lose weight? YES.

Will I feel better if I lose weight?  YES What can I do to lose weight? NOTHING.  I have no extra bandwidth and I just can’t worry about every little thing I put in my mouth.  It will just have to wait.

BUT this Spring, I changed my questions.

Do I need to lose weight?  YES.

What if I tried this plan that my friend is on?  MAYBE, I could do that.

Will I like drinking shakes 2 times a day?  I don’t know, I usually only eat 2 meals a day now, I think I can do shakes.  It will be nice to not have to think about what I am eating at least.

Can I do 1 meal at 4-600 calories only?  DOUBT IT… at least I can try.  If I go over it will be better than what I am doing now.

Can I give up all the things I love? NO but I think I can give this a try and just see what happens.

Why have I been able to drop 35 pounds in the last 4 months?   I am still taking care of my dad, though it is only every other week, so I don’t have a lot more bandwidth than I did at this time last year.

The key is, I asked different questions which lead me to a new answer.

I started in the same place but I had a new option to consider.  That one new question changed the questions that followed.  I was also more open to new answers because of the new question.

How can question thinking help you find new answers?


Join me in a 2 part workshop which will help you to explore your internal questions to make changes you didn’t know were possible.

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Do You Think in Questions?

What are you wearing today?  Why?  When you got ready to get dressed this morning what caused you pick out what you have on today?

If you are anything like me most days I do a pretty good job of dressing myself considering what my day has in store for me.  I usually consider the weather, if I will be doing anything special and even what I wore last time I saw the people I will be seeing that day.

Do you think in questions?

I would have said no when I first heard that question and about Question Thinking by Marilee Adams but the more I think about it I realize I do, in a way.

When I stand before my closet a ton of questions come to mind.

What is the weather supposed to be like today?  HOT.

Do I want to wear pants or shorts?

What shorts are clean?

Will I be working in my office all day or do I have appointments? If I’m in my office the air-conditioning can cause me to be chilly at times something I don’t have to worry about if I am going to be running errands or going to an appointment.

What shoes do I want to wear?

Comfy or cute?

Will those shoes go with these shorts?

The questions go on and on.

So yes, I think in questions much more than I realized.  One reason I had not realized how often I think in questions is because I usually just hear the answers in my head not the questions.  Since I usually just hear the answers I thought was thinking in statements rather than question.  How about you?

Join me for the Think Question Change Workshop to learn more about how your internal questions impact your life.

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I would love for this to be a discuss. I want to know your thoughts on Questions.  Please share below.

Get Real with God through Lament

Get Real with God through Lament

Ending the Pretending

 

It’s Sunday morning and you like me are headed into church.  Each person passed offers a courteous greeting like, “Good Morning!”  “Hi!  How are you?”  “Good thanks and you?”  or “Fine, thanks!”

The truth is you just had a fight with your spouse or you recently found out about another friend who is diagnosed with cancer.  You are not fine but what else are you going to say.

Life is hard and it is filled with many disappointments and heartaches.  Telling acquaintances about our stuff is not likely to happen.

So what about family?  How often do you share the real stuff with friends and family?  Many of us even struggle with this as well.

What about God?  Do you get real with him?  Many people don’t.Ecc 7:33 Sorrow is better than laughter,

To be honest, I am more likely to get real with God than I am with anyone else.  I think this is one reason for the deep and many people have said, unusual walk I have with my Lord.

Through the many heartaches of life I have had great friends and family to support me but my number one go to is the Lord.  From an early age I started reading a Psalm a day.  From those readings I found a God who could handle anything I had to say to him, so I did.

When my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s I poured out the heartache of losing her while I was still a teenager. 

When my husband was unfaithful, I called out to the God who knows what it is like to love a people who are unfaithful over and over again.

When I miscarried my precious babies, He was the one who I cried more tears to than I thought I had.

Like David, in the Psalms, my prayers are often a journey to the place of heartache, disappointment, confusion and even anger.

Have you ever prayed like this?  Have you learned to bear your heartache and questions to the Lord?

I was excited to find a book that talks about how to bring an ending to the pretending with God.   I think this is such a great resource I want you to join me in a Book Chat.

Do you ever struggle with how to get real with God?  Do you find yourself staying busy just so you don’t have to think about past heartaches and disappointments?

No More Faking Fine  by Esther Fleece is a call to end the pretending.  It is Esther’s journey to healing through the prayer of lament.  Lament is the gut-level, honest prayer that God never ignores, never silences, and never wastes. 

As I look at my prayer life I realize the times that I have been able to embrace God’s will even when I didn’t understand the what or the why of something or it was not at all what I wanted I was praying laments. 

I would love for you to join me in learning more about the prayer of lament.

A Book Chat is just the opportunity to read through a book together.  Discussing what the Lord is doing in your life with the new realizations you are experiencing through the book through an online community.

Click here to learn more:

2 Revealing Truths about Jesus and Transitions

     Since transition is never far from my mind I was recently talking with Jesus about transitions and He helped me to think about what a major transition His birth here on earth must have been.

Think about it, Jesus was there in the beginning and created the world, then He left heaven to life as one of us and with us.

“For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.” John 6:38.

Imagine the enormity of that transition! 

 

Here are 2 truths, I realized about how Jesus handled this transition.

He remained Confident in His identity~ When Jesus became a man though His outward appearance probably changed completely He did not lose himself.

He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”  And Jesus answered him, “You are blessed, Simon son of Jonah, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but my Father in heaven! Matt 16:15-17

This scripture follows Jesus asking His disciples who do people say that I am?  They reported what people said about him and who He was.  Most did not see or understand who He was while He walked on this earth but He always knew and lived the truth of who He was.  God.  Man.  Lover of His creation.  Truth.  Life.  Sacrificial Lamb.

For me just going from married to divorcee, from business owner to farm wife was challenging.  Identity in the world today is often tied to our job or family so when there are big transitions in either of these areas it can really knock you off your feet.

Each time I have found myself needing to dig into my identity with the Lord to find my new normal.  I am, still Loved.  Adopted.  Cherished.  Forgiven.  Gifted.  Called.

Obedient even unto death~  Jesus submitted to the will of the Father.  Not only did He have to take on the limitations of man but He had to die a terrible death as a man.  Yes, He knew the Big picture and willingly died on the cross for your and my sins but it was not easy.

The Bible is clear is was a very difficult time leading up to the crucifixion.
Matthew 26:39  “And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.

Each transition in my life has taken me to a place of bowing my will to His in obedience.  When we closed Sylvan in 2011 it was the result of a long struggle.  I knew I would not always work and have a home 90 miles from the farm but I loved what I did.  Working with families to help their kids be more successful in school felt like it was what I was created to do.

When I stopped struggling, willing submitted to God, He made it clear, that season of my life was to come to an end.  The families seeking the service hit an all-time low, the corporation continued to move away from what I felt was best for my students, it was time.  In obedience, the business was closed and my home was sold in 6 short weeks.  Not as I will, but as You will Father.

I’m so thankful that I was able to see Jesus in light of how He lived out a difficult transition.  Though I can see that I have demonstrated these same traits in my life transitions I am also challenged to get there quicker in future transitions.

Focusing on my identity and realizing that NOTHING in this world can change who I am or whose I am, is the bedrock of weather the changes of transitions.

Then because I know whose I am I can also embrace His will open hearted and open minded.

I know the opportunity to live these two lessons out again will come, I just pray I will be more ready, willing and able to bring honor and glory to the Lord in the midst of it.


 Have you found that knowing your identity in Christ and obeying Him has helped you embrace transitions in your life?

Review by Rayna: Choose to THRIVE

Choose to THRIVE is a challenging book written for high-achieving women.  Debbie’s style of direct and to the point communication style is refreshing.  She openly shares her challenges and life experience in order to encourage her reader to address her own issues.

In the book Debbie shares 9 character qualities most high-achieving women possess and how they can cause problems in our lives.  I found myself relating to many of the qualities as I am sure you will too.

I enjoyed the style of Debbie’s book.  She points out the qualities, how they can cause a problem when unbalanced and then shares how she found balance in her own life.  Each chapter ends with questions to help you examine yourself and begin the process of working on finding your balance.

The chapter that impacted me the most was the one one perfectionism.  I have known that I have this character quality all my life and I have worked hard to put people  before perfection but I often still find myself struggling it and not even realizing I’m doing it.  Here is an excerpt from Debbie’s chapter addressing perfectionism.

It takes a conscious effort to step back and look at what we are asking for. Does it leave room for people, including ourselves, to do what they do best? Or does it pigeonhole them into doing things the way we think is best? Do people believe they have the latitude to take calculated risks without harsh repercussions? Do you give yourself grace when you mess up? Do you give your child grace when they don’t do as well as you think they should have?  Are we leaving room for God to work?

Perfectionism is something I have been aware of in my life for a long time.  I was challenged and encouraged by the way Debbie addressed her struggle with perfectionism.  If you consider yourself a high-achiever I’m sure that you will benefit from reading Choose to THRIVE and examining some of the inner conflicts you face.

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